If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Randomize
