I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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