You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
What a dumb baby whore.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize