But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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