she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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