I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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