Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
