omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
