Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
