sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
