she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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