best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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