Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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