he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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