i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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