textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
