You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
