how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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