im gay
i know
yea but for you.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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