but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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