nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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