i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
