Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
