i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i've created a new STD.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
