My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You're so nebulous sometimes
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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