i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
