You're earring is so big in my mouth
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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