They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
