everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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