like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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