Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
