My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
