I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
