i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
