i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
