I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
