Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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