I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
