according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
