the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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