he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
