Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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