Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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