when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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