I wish my penis had an off switch
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
