i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
