do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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