1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
