You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
