you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
