maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
