Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you would pick up someone in the library
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
