11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
