Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
