I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
