I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
