The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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