It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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