You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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