And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think i got beer on your cat.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
