I can tuck mytits in my pants
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
